I notice as Moms we tend to overextend ourselves, by giving to others and depleting our own internal resources we begin to sort of operate at half capacity. We simply perform tasks, and our internal reserves are so low that we can't muster the chutspa to attack our day artfully.
A good way to figure out how psychically extended you are as a Mom is to close your eyes in a quiet place. Take stock of all of the things you are keeping track of. It's amazing. Probably, how each of your kids is doing, how they're doing emotionally these days, how much vegetables they've eaten lately, how clean they are behind their ears or how nice their current boyfriend/girlfriend is. If you are in a relationship you are probably aware of how your partner is doing, what their wants and needs are these days. You probably know how soon you will need to go grocery shopping and how many eggs are in your fridge.
You're probably starting to see how many tentacles of thought and care run from us and out into the world. We are aware of so many conditions outside of ourselves we are tuned in to a hundred channels at once.
But if you imagine yourself as a being with a hundred tentacles outstretched, what is at the heart of that being? What is in the middle? I have been feeling lately like in the middle of me there is a hole. A hollow core. I am so tuned into all of these stations I have stopped listening to my own.
So I closed my eyes and tried to tune in. What was playing? Songs about creative projects, phone calls I wanted to make to old friends, books I wanted to read, that I wanted to draw in my sketchbook with my older boy more.
Afterwards I felt so grounded and energized, and even way happier. I felt totally able to handle the things I have to do.
It's kind of awkward at first, call it meditation or whatever you like. But I totally recommend trying it, and then following your path, the funny little things you have a hankering to do.
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